The Grace in Kathern's Kabinet

Kathern's Kabinet
(her china cabinet)

Vintage Kathern
1926

Today, once again, as has been the case for the last several weeks, I found myself thinking about grace and forgiveness. Kathern had a ton of grace in her kabinet, I mean, her heart.

You see, I know from growing up at her footsteps that she had at least one family member who really disliked her. I knew from being around said family member that this dislike was sincere. I was present when Kathern would knock on a door, not to be answered (although the tv was on and it was obvious someone was home). I was there when Kathern would call, only to be hung up on. Why all this occured truly doesn't matter. What does matter is the grace and forgiveness Kathern extended to this person, and to others who distanced themselves from her.

Kathern, (I mean, Neno, and please allow me to use these names interchangebly), while full of vim and vigor and an amazing ability to not take any garbage from anyone,  hurt deeply inside. Although she had a facade that could be intimidating if you didn't know her, inside she was pure-d-old-human (pure-d-old....that's another Neno-ism). Her heart suffered breakage from every avenue imaginable, but somehow many thought that her tough exterior exempted her from having feelings. Not so. Although I didn't see her cry at the heartbreak (it was old  and she was thick-skinned by the time I discovered it), I did see disappointment in her eyes from missing out on the lives of those who distanced themselves, and I heard her pain in the heavy sighs she would breathe when realizing lost time, never to be regained in this life, with those same people.

While she had every reason to be mean and spiteful, she was not. Had any of these people approached her with a need, she would have given them the dress off her back. Yes, dress. Neno never wore pants as long as I knew her. As a matter of fact, Neno gave a home to the one person who despised her the most, when it was needed the most.

From my limited knowledge of this family drama, I deduced that bitterness and spite from an incident that happened moons ago was the lifelong fuel for a fire that never truly experienced extinguishing grace from both parties. Oh, Neno showed grace, but the other side never fully let go of the disdain. As a result, many people missed out on an amazing relationship with an amazing woman. As a matter of fact, I spoke in tribute about Neno at her funeral, and part of this paragraph was the gist of my message. The funeral director (sweet old Walter Cobb, the guy who was never supposed to die but did) told me afterward, in his southern drawl, "Honey, I don't know how you done it. You done good. You got that same bite in the eye that she had." I took it all as a compliment. :)

I suppose my purpose in this posting is to highlight grace. Someone in this life will do you wrong (whether they do or not, you will at least perceive it). You will have two choices; forgive and get over it, or don't forgive and let it fester inside your mind until you are bitter. And, if you choose the latter, the bitterness won't be restricted to just the person toward whom you are bitter.

I can't help but think of the people in Joplin, Missouri, who just a week ago experienced the wrath of an F-5 tornado that flattened a third of the town and killed over 100 people of all ages. I would imagine, prior to that life altering event, people probably had their drama, their squabbles, and dislikes for one another, such as is common in the human race. I can also imagine that after devastation consumed lives and livelihoods in a matter of seconds, drama, squabbles, and dislikes disappeared. They didn't matter anymore.

Last fall, when my hometown experienced the tragic, unexpected death of a beautiful young woman, we all came together and were united like we hadn't been in my history there. People who I perceived as my enemies all of a sudden were fellow grievers with me. Our differences evaporated.

Why does it take a tornado or the untimely death of a young person to get us to the point of forgetting our differences, and extending grace and forgiveness? Until a lifetime has passed, and we are lowing a casket into the ground, we never fully know what failure to forgive has cost us.

At Kathern's funeral I reminded those in attendance (many who hadn't visited her in years) that although they lost their time with her in this life, they could have an eternity with her in heaven. And why is this possible? Because of God's grace, extended to us. Kathern had an enormous amount of grace in her kabinet, and she extended it. Some accepted it happily, others, not so much. And that's the way it is with our Lord.

I can't tell you how happy I am that Neno's life, and little trinkets around her house, impacted my life for the better. Not for perfection mind you, but for the better. She had a brown, chalk-resin plaque over her bedroom door that read, "Only one life, 'twill soon be past; only what's done for Christ will last."

I know she wasn't perfect either. I'm certain she had skeletons in her closet. But, there was grace in God's cabinet that she willingly accepted when she gave her life to the Lord. And, as she became more Christ-like as she lived, she extended forgiveness and grace, whether she'd done someone wrong or not.

To me, that's something she did for Christ that will last. God filled Kathern's kabinet with grace, and she gave it away with a willing heart.

Kathern's Kabinet-Take One

Some called her Kate. She hated it. "Kate's a dog's name, and a mule's name, and I don't like it!" This, she'd always exclaim when I asked why she had such a hate for Kate. And, I must admit; I asked her repeatedly because I so enjoyed the emphatic way she declared "Kate's a dog's name...., " brow furrowed, teeth gritted, and voice full of disdain at the thought of being compared to a mule.

While this blog won't always have stories of my great-grandmother (Kathern Elizabeth Thompson (then Snowden, and finally, Noel), it will be full of vintage decorating tips, a fondness for all things elderly, a few photos, all of course inspired by her. And since she is the inspiration, its only right if you know a bit about her.

We called her Neno. She desperately wanted to be called Nanaw, or Mamaw for some reason only known to her sentimental longings at the time. Her many attempts at getting me to repeat the word Mamaw came out Neno, and so from the time I learned to talk that was forever her title.

But her given name was Kathern. No, not Katherine. Kathern. At the turn of the century in the southern Missouri Ozarks, you spelled it like you said it, and they said it Ka-thern. She had a sister named Delia, however, it was pronounced Deal-ie. As in, "What's that dealy you are lookin' at?" Still don't have a clue why they didn't spell that like they said it.

She was born on April the 4th, nineteen-and-two. (Not April 4, 1902). Spoken out distinctly as nineteen-and-two. Just like she always said Mac-Dondald's (emphasis on the Mac), not McDonalds. :) At the ripe old age of 14 she married my great grandfather Frank Snowden, one of a long line of Snowdens who settled in the Oasis/Cedar Valley/Long Creek area of extreme southern Taney County in Missouri. To this union was born my grandmother Chloey, and her siblings Eula, Clinton, and Carl.

The marriage between my great-grandparents wasn't the best; she never shared many details, because quite frankly, it wasn't proper to divulge such information back in the day when divorce was not the unfortunate standard operating procedure it is today. At some point after this marriage ended, Neno married Perry Noel, and I, before I was even born, acquired another great-grandfather to love, and be loved by.

Neno and Perry cared for me like I was their own. They bought my piano when I was eight years old. She helped me start my hope chest with a set of Pink Recollection dishes (a remake of pink depression glass). I remember when I was little, she and Perry would say, "When you're sixteen, I'ma gonna have me a driver."

The things they said when I was small helped shape the personality I have today. Perry would often quote, after I'd done something goofy, "Sich a young'n, sich a young'n, sich a young'n." And of course I'd repeat that to the tune of "Such an onion, such an onion, such an onion."

Neno would declare, when she was much older and the urgency to go to the bathroom was really urgent....."I'va got to go to the toilet and I'va a got to go rat now!" (Rat, so you can fully understand how the word "right" sounds in grandma-hillbilly-speak).

She grew up, rather survived, the great-depression, hence her insistence at saving EVERYTHING which has passed right on down to the fourth generation. And yes, I'm talking about some of the stuff she saved (like Mrs. Butterworth bottles, egg cartons, and orange Foremost cottage cheese containers), and also this need to NOT part with anything.

From Neno I learned to appreciate the simple things in life like a clump of blooming irises, a primitive rock flower bed around a giant oak tree, and a wildly blooming forsythia bush in the spring. Because of Neno, I crave the sounds of tree frogs and crickets at dusk, the call of the whiporwill, and the lonesome cry of a hoot-owl (yes, hoot-owl, not just owl).

Because of her, I have created this blog, Kathern's Kabinet. When I was in college, I'd go to her house many mornings where she'd serve me up two fried eggs, over-easy, bacon, and buttered toast. We'd sit in that kitchen for hours while she told me the history of the pretties in her china cabinet, and whatever else she had on her mind.

Some of these discussions I've chronicled in poetry, some in pictures, and some I still chroncle in the way I decorate my home.

Many of these things, and much more, I hope to bring to life for you in this blog. She was funny, she was practical, and I loved her dearly.

So, stay tuned, and open the doors to Kathern's Kabinet with me! I hope you enjoy and are inspired!

Love,
Marci